Begin Again. Cleanly.

via Daily Prompt: Clean

It seems the trend of my personal tragedies are of the relationship-sort. One heartbreak leading to another if only offering me some sporadic respite. But as soon as I get my groove back, as soon as I’m in a happy and good place in my life, content and productive, some guy comes along who’ll go to great lengths to convince me he’s worth my time.

I have major trust issues. I survived a physically abusive relationship 9 years ago that left me with a huge scar from a laceration that my knife-welding ex slivered over my arm. I took years alone and outside of a relationship after that just to heal and feel safe again. When I finally got back into a serious one, he ended up being the total opposite of his blonde, blue-eyed All American southern upbringing nature: he was a narcissistic sociopath who took pleasure at chipping away at my self confidence, esteem, and sanity. And successfully got all his family and friends to see me as a crazy woman who harassed him. When really, he lied about TOO MANY THINGS (got caught red handed too) and kept changing tiny details of his stories to me so that I would begin questioning my memory and sanity (Google “gas lighting”).

Then you come to a point years later where you think you’re supposedly wiser and MORE CAREFUL. I mean, as careful as I’ve ever been. And still, people can be absolute Jekyll & Hydes. A marraige-oriented lover who speaks of a good life for you both (and your son), a lover who has been nothing but a positive force in your life, teaching you optimism and patience in levels you haven’t operated much on before, a lover who also looked out for you career-wise, takes a week-long business trip and goes from “Love, I miss you,” to “I need space,” and you have no clue what just happened. The same lover who suddenly sounds and speaks differently, addressing you in such a formal way on emails instead of the ubiquitous “Hi honey” greetings. The same lover who used to fill you in on his entire schedule is now doing excellently at creating a great distance from you. And you don’t know why. And this is the same person who put up with hours into the early morning talking out your worries, trying to assure you he will be there for you. That all is well between you and that your bond and commitment are stronger than the troubles you face today. This lover now tells his friends he’s been avoiding you because you’ve been stalking him. Only you’re not stalking him, just been reaching out because you haven’t heard from him in a week and you’re worried for his safety. You see him actively online but he won’t send a message. Your gut starts to put up red flags. You ignore it because you want to prove to him you trust him. But it all gets too conspicuous. Ironically enough, if he hadn’t relentlessly pursued you and gone lengths to convince you he was worth your time, you wouldn’t even have given him a second thought. Because really, he wasn’t your type to begin with.

I shed no tears for that idiot. I shed a tear for myself, because I’m tired. And I’m sad. I’m sad that whatever his life experiences were, caused him to become a mentally and emotionally abusive sadist who picked out a hard-working single mother, got her to trust him, and then completely leave her out to dry. I’m sad that his mother probably doesn’t know he turned out this way. I’m sure she loves him and wants to be proud of him. I’m sure she is, but only for the things she thinks he’s become–not what he actually is. A monster. I would hate to be his mother.

Rain came down and I was drenched as I stood on the curb waiting for my Uber, contemplating how on earth I let this happen. I was so careful. I was so straightforward about my fears and dislikes. He was so persistent about how he was not my past but is my “present and future.” How foolish and gullible could I still be at 35?  This was the day I decided there would be no answers as to why it had to be me. In that moment, I took my heart out of my sleeve, and tucked it away to be hidden from manipulative, self-loathing creatures.

As heavy and tragic as my past relationships have been, I do not let them define who I am. I loved genuinely, generously, truthfully. If someone decides to take advantage of that, the loss is theirs not mine. As I let the rain come down on me, I closed my eyes and let the filth of deceit that this person has brought into my life, get washed away. I breathed a sigh, not of defeat, but of surrender to the Greater Force who has better plans for me. I’m okay. I’m whole. I’m complete. I’m clean. I’m rid of this despicable individual, and the less I speak his name or think his face in my mind, the cleaner I am and the lighter my days will be.

Some people have spent so much time in the mud that all they know is to roll in it and sling it at people. But you don’t have to take it. You can keep walking and stay clean.

6 Reasons Why You Should Exercise

If you’ve been struggling with motivation and reasons to get up and hit the gym or get active, you’re not alone. There are days when I just want to throw my phone against the wall (a melodramatic approach to a 530am alarm going off) and curl up under my sheets in the safety of my dark room. But about 100% of the time that I skip the gym, I regret it. And every single time I’ve pushed myself to actually go to the gym, 100% of the time, I’ve always been glad I did. If what you need is a gentle kick in the bum, then below are 6 reasons that will hopefully do just that.

1. Exercise improves mood.

When you exercise, your body produces endorphins. Endorphins reduce the perception of pain and set off a positive feeling in your body (makes you feel good), kind of like morphine. The perfect answer to a bad day at work, a stressful time in traffic, or even a break up (which I can personally vouch for haha) is a good sweaty session either at the gym or out for a run.

2.  Exercise gives you an energy boost.

Blood carries oxygen to our brain and different parts of our body (which is why when you sleep late and have low blood pressure, you yawn due to the lack of oxygen in your brain). When you exercise, your blood circulates through your body smoothly, bringing oxygen to the parts that need it–getting your heart and your lungs to work more efficiently, which in turn gives you more energy. (Personally, I like to start my day with a good cardio workout because it puts a spring in my step)

3.  Exercise helps control weight.

It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure this out. A sedentary lifestyle is a recipe for health disasters. But when you stay active and exercise regularly, your body’s metabolism gets a good nudge thereby helping you burn calories more efficiently. The starchy food we eat turns into sugar, and when we don’t move around and burn excess calories, that sugar turns into fat. Fat can never truly magically melt away through pills or gadgets. There is nothing like exercise to blast fat and keep it off. It doesn’t have to be an entire hour out of your busy day. You can start with setting aside 7 minutes of exercise every morning when you wake up. You can do a few exercises that will help get your heart rate up and jumpstart your body’s calorie-burning ability. There are some fun workout apps available that you can check out like 7 Minute Workout or 8Fit. I’ve tried both during seasons where I’m too busy to hit the gym or when I’m traveling and have no access to a full gym but need to stay active. The 8Fit app also has a meal planning feature you can sign up for.

4. Exercise can help give your sex life a boost.

Regular exercise can lead to better or more enhanced arousal for women, while men who work out regularly may lower their chances of erectile dysfunction. Besides, a physically fit body is a great turn-on because it shows that you take good care of yourself. Strength, endurance, and confidence are definitely pluses in this department.

5. Exercise can help you sleep better.

Sleep is vital to muscle recovery. Establishing a regular exercise routine is good for your circadian rhythm because it helps you sleep better and deeper. I used to be such a night owl and had to get up at the crack of dawn the next day for work. I felt sluggish and less productive. When I finally established a regular workout routine and schedule, my body eventually adjusted and my bed time effortlessly came at 9pm. These days, I very rarely sleep past 10pm because between 10pm to 2am is the deepest and most regenerative sleep that your body can have. That’s when your body detoxifies, repairs, and restores itself.

6. Exercise is a fun way to a healthier you.

Pick a workout buddy to help you get started on a good exercise regimen. You can go running together whether on a treadmill at the gym, or on a trail outdoors. There are so many options for workout buddies/groups who want to have fun while getting fit and strong: dance classes, running clubs, martial arts, hiking, aerobics, or spinning classes. Whether you choose to exercise indoors or take it outside, exercise is definitely more fun when you have someone to do it with.

What are you waiting for? Make the decision today to start working on a healthier you! Feel stronger, feel more confident, feel healthier, and feel better.

If you have any questions or would like help with a starter exercise program, feel free to comment below and provide your email so I can help craft one for you.

Hey guy, check your flyes.

Today I was reminded of how important it is to maintain the proper form when executing an exercise. Today was chest and shoulders day for me and I discovered that I had a tendency to execute my dumbbell flyes poorly.  If you’re like me who’s a self-starter at the gym (one who never really worked out with a one-on-one personal trainer regularly), then you’ll want to monitor your posture and form closely the next time you work out.

Wether you choose to do dumbbell flyes on a bench, a decline, or an incline bench, you’ll want to make sure your posture is correct. You can cause injury to yourself which in the worst case, could cause a long term injury that will prevent you from performing any exercise at all.

Since you are working your chest during this particular exercise, you’ll want to make sure your elbows aren’t parallel to your shoulders. Notice in the images above that both the man and woman have their elbows lower than their shoulders. Today I realised I needed to be mindful about keeping my elbows lower like they do. Instead, I had my elbows nearly parallel to my shoulders. What happens with that is I end up activating the wrong muscles. Instead of working my chest, I was activating my shoulders.

There was a minor but immediate consequence to my poor form. When I had moved to the incline press machine later on, I felt a pain (not a piercing one) in my deltoids; I had strained my shoulder because I wasn’t executing the exercise the right way.

images from bodybuilding.com

 

Check out the video below for the correct way of performing dumbbell flyes courtesy of Scott Herman Fitness.

 

 

 

Meal Planning Basics

I know my posts of late sound a little redundant about the whole Meal Planning thing. Thing is, if you’re going into bodybuilding whether for fun or competition, Meal Planning is going to be the most ubiquitous thing in your vocabulary second to “gym.” It’s so essential to take note of the calories and nutrients you take in so that your body can gain and develop muscle, lose fat, and perform optimally.

image from the Web.

Here’s an interesting article from Muscle & Fitness that I came across yesterday. I like that it’s pretty simple to understand and even helps you go about creating your own Meal Plan. Hopefully your goal isn’t to become waif-thin or crash diet because that kind of goal is really the road to health perdition. Haha.

image from Web.

It matters a lot what you eat before and after a workout and what you indulge yourself in on days that you don’t train, or what’s called “rest day.” There’s something that the tiny OCD part of me finds exciting about  If you plan your meals well, you can progress much more quickly and efficiently with very little risk to your health. 80% of bodybuilding is really nutrition. Like they say (and I’ve quoted this before), “Abs are made in the kitchen.”

image from diet domination.com

At first I was thinking, “Oh wow I have to ACTUALLY weigh my food?! How tedious!” And it is–but only in the beginning. After awhile you learn to kind of eyeball the amount of chicken breast or veggies you need for what your goal is. And cooking your meals won’t seem like a major production anymore. On the upside, cooking them ahead makes it easier, because when time comes to eat, you just grab one of your little food keepers and heat it up and voila! A (slightly) tasty meal, custom made for you. Haha!

Tough Days

Today was a really tough day for me. A real heartbreaker. I’ll spare you the details. What’s important is that I’m choosing to be bold enough to admit this to myself. And to you, reader. This is me being vulnerable and open and admitting that today was a day I felt defeated.

I don’t know if my diet and the physical strains of my competition prep are wearing me thin (no pun intended), but I just felt so dangerously close to my limit today. I had to handle some personal stuff which really, looking at the big picture, is not as bad as my female mind and emotions make it out to be. Aside from that, I’ve been wracking my brain trying to sort out some technical issues I’ve been having with my domain and website. 5 years and a 2-year (failed) relationship later, I didn’t realise that I should have absolutely paid attention to the details of a domain purchase. Ugh. Even email backtracking (for the past three hours) didn’t help in gathering the information I needed to sort out my website problems.

Then my precocious and curious little 4-and-a-half was constantly in my ear with a million questions about outer space, which, when answered, brings about more questions from his intrigued mind. I applaud his curiosity and desire to learn. But today, this solo mom just felt a little overwhelmed, stretched out, tapped out, and alone.

I think it’s okay to admit it, you know? That you CAN’T do it all by yourself. As strong and independent as women like to portray themselves to others, I think we all still really want to know there’s someone who can and will catch us when we can no longer hold ourselves up. Sometimes it’s a sibling, sometimes it’s a parent. Sometimes it’s a spouse or a best friend. But some days, you’ll have to catch yourself.